Reclaiming your sense of visibility in midlife is more about carving out and claiming a new space for yourself than it is finding a way to hang onto the old one. Let’s dive into a few things that should help you do just that.
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Feeling Invisible in Midlife: Why Does It Happen?
From the time we’re little girls, we hear how empowering and important it is to be seen, heard, and noticed. Speak your mind. Make some noise. Don’t fade into the background.
It works, too, and we learn that that’s the way to get what we want out of life – to stand out and refuse to blend in with the rest of the crowd.
Then you hit midlife, and everything changes. Standing out gets harder, and so does making meaningful connections with others, for that matter. Some situations might even leave you feeling downright invisible. But you don’t need to take it lying down.
You don’t necessarily need to hop on the anti-aging bandwagon and deny that you’re getting older at all, either.
According to research from Gransnet, around 70 percent of women increasingly feel invisible as they age, so if you’re dealing with this, you’re not alone. Here’s a brief rundown of some of the most common factors that might contribute to feeling invisible in midlife:
Ageism: Ageism isn’t pretty, but it is real. Men typically start to experience ageism around their mid-60s, but it’s more likely to happen to women as they enter their 50s.
Menopause: Perimenopause and menopause spin an entire host of changes and shifts into a woman’s life. It’s not uncommon to start feeling invisible (or at least less relevant) as a result.
Invisible Woman Syndrome: As women get older, it gets harder to ignore social norms that insist a woman needs to be youthful-looking and sexually appealing to men to matter. It can be harder to feel seen (or even worthy of being seen) as a result.
Feeling invisible as you age can also correlate to internal factors. The combination of biological, social, and professional changes you go through in midlife can make it hard to see yourself the same way. Some days might leave you wondering who you even are anymore.
However, it’s important to remember that all of these feelings are normal. Everyone experiences them differently, but most of us do experience them on one level or another. A new chapter of your life opens in midlife, and it takes time to reorient yourself.
Deciding What’s Next: How to Cope with Feeling Invisible in Midlife
Midlife can be one of the happiest, most rewarding periods in a person’s life if they’re open to it. But getting there takes more time, patience, and adjustment for some people than others. Let’s dive into a few of my favorite tips for hitting that sweet spot.
Get to know yourself again
Whether they realize it or not, most people – especially women – define themselves by the roles they play in the lives of others and the social labels they’ve learned to accept for themselves. But many of the transitions people experience in midlife can change (or even eliminate) those factors.
If you’ve always seen yourself as a lawyer, a CEO, a doctor, etc., how does that change when you retire?
If your life has been all about being a wife and mother, how might a divorce or an empty nest impact your self-image?
If you were always the flirt or the beauty when you were younger, what happens when those dynamics evolve as you get older?
Many of the social roles we take on throughout our lives are rewarding, but they can make it easier to lose touch with yourself.
Before you can lean into new ways of becoming more visible to others, it’s crucial to become visible to yourself again.
Who are you outside of the roles you play in the lives of others?
What are the things you like most about yourself?
Explore ways to reconnect with what makes you who you are outside of other external factors. Make a list of those qualities and traits. The stronger and more positive your connection with yourself is, the less you’ll rely on external validation to feel relevant and visible.
Set new goals for yourself
Contrary to what some people might believe, dreaming, learning, and growing aren’t just for the young. There’s no such thing as someone who’s too old to dream or get involved in something new. In fact, now is a great time to take a page out of your younger self’s book.
When a chapter in a young person’s life closes, they simply turn the page and start the next one. If a relationship ends, they take a moment to re-center before getting back out there and dating again. If one career option dries up, they explore another one. When opportunities to have new experiences and explore new things present themselves, they take them.
It doesn’t even occur to the young person that something they want to try or experience isn’t meant for them, but those of us in midlife fall into this thinking all the time.
Why not make today the day you reject that narrative once and for all?
Think about what brings you joy, peace, and purpose at this point in your life. Is there now room in your life to really dive into those things on a level you couldn’t before?
Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn or try? Now just might be the perfect time to take up a new hobby, start a business, or learn a new skill.
Build new social connections
Factors like retirement or dealing with an empty nest can easily lead to social isolation and feelings of inadequacy.
Existing friendships can change, evolve, or even run their course completely when people find themselves living different lives from those of their friends.
People can go from feeling like they have an active, robust social life full of people who need them one day to feeling invisible and unwanted the next.
But it’s important to remember that it’s normal for your social circle to change and evolve throughout your life. It’s normal to have a huge social circle sometimes and just a small group of trusted confidantes other times.
Continuing to seek out new people and build new social connections as you age goes a long way toward feeling seen, wanted, and relevant throughout midlife and beyond. That’s because friends make life better in so many ways!
They provide us with important emotional support, help us process our feelings, and remind us that we’re not alone.
They encourage you and believe in you, even when you find it hard to believe in yourself.
They keep you stimulated and engaged with the world around you.
They provide valuable opportunities to have fun, try new things, explore various experiences, and continue to develop as people.
Friendships quite literally keep you healthy as you age, as well. People with strong friendships and social lives are less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety.
They’re also more likely to achieve and maintain higher levels of life satisfaction.
So, if midlife changes have you feeling a little deficient in the friendship department, it’s time to get out there and connect with some new folks.
Take up a social new hobby that offers opportunities to meet like-minded people. Take a class, volunteer, or sign up for a social club. Anything goes, as long as it’s fun and gets you rubbing elbows with awesome new folks.
Defy stereotypes of aging
There are a lot of negative stereotypes out there about aging and what that’s supposed to mean for people, but they’re exactly that – stereotypes. They’re not laws. They’re not eerie prophecies that are destined to come true against your will.
You can simply choose not to buy into them. Here are some ideas:
Be proud of your age (and of aging, in general). Not only do the majority of older people live independently, happily, and well, but some people never get the chance to get older in the first place. The process of getting there is a normal part of life – something to embrace.
Be intentional when it comes to your language choices, especially when discussing your experiences. Instead of falling back on phrases like “back in my day,” frame your personal stories in exciting, positive ways.
Let your life be an inspiring example to others of what midlife can actually be like. Stay energetic, happy, curious, and engaged with the world around you. (Such people rarely say they feel invisible.)
Adopt a few positive role models who you think “make midlife look good” and prove how incredible it can be. They could be anyone from real-life friends or relatives to celebrities who inspire you. (Seriously, would anyone consider Angelina Jolie, Michelle Obama, or Pamela Anderson to be invisible?)
Never let anyone else tell you how you’re “allowed” to be now that you’ve reached midlife. And don’t let anyone convince you it’s time to glue yourself to a rocking chair and knit all day because of your age (unless that’s truly what you want to do with your time).
It’s your life, and you’re the one calling the shots. You can choose not to be invisible.
Seek out support
Navigating midlife and the sweeping changes that come with it is definitely possible, but it’s not easy. You don’t have to do it alone, either. Proper support is an important part of getting over life’s hurdles, and there’s no shame in asking for help if you need it.
If you have good friends and family to lean on, definitely do that. But don’t be afraid to explore therapy with a professional you trust.
A therapist can offer you an objective opinion on what you’re going through and give you professional advice on not feeling invisible anymore.
At the end of the day, you can’t help getting older. But you can choose whether or not to become old.
Refusing to lean into being and feeling invisible as you age is a terrific step in the right direction.
Take this step today, and don’t forget to reach out for support if you need it!
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